Balancing health, happiness and mortality. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for my life; quite the opposite. I’m acutely aware of how fortunate I am to be as healthy as I am...
Thank you for being so candid here. The topic of mortality is a scary one for me, and I often don't know how to manage my thoughts/fears that come along with it. I know I can't ignore it, but my mind wanders so quickly and fiercely! Still have lots of work to do in therapy around this. Sometimes my husband and I wonder—what does it even look like to live a life of meaning? We want that, too. Deeply.
Thank you Erika, I think it’s natural to feel fear about death and mortality and my own views may changes as I get older or if I become ill but for now I’m kind of ok with it. I do want to live a lot longer though and living a meaningful life is different to a long one isn’t it? But I’d say as long as it has meaning to you and the important people in your life then that is meaningful. It doesn’t have to be all the bells and whistles. Of course there are the amazing people who dedicate their lives to others, I am not one of those but I’ve seen that you’ve done that yourself in your work at the church you talked about and I’m sure you continue to do that and advocate for people in your community. 🧡
Enjoying reading your posts! Friends of ours moved to Orkney a couple of years ago too! Rob & Vicky Hersey? Obviously there’s no reason you should know them but maybe you do ;)
Thanks so much Sarah! I don't but you never know we may cross paths one day. I don't live on the Orkney Mainland, so mostly only know people on Hoy (where I am). Do they love it here?
they do! they’re on South Ronaldsay, they run a holiday site called Wild Orcadian and an organic farm. Such gorgeous people. We know them from when they ran Wild Northumbrian which is closer to us, we went and stayed there a million miles and eventually ended up doing a rebrand and website etc - did the same for Wid Orcadian too. Must go stay there some time!
yes! there was a family running it for years before them but I think they've been there two years now? they've not done farming stuff before so I think it's been a big learning curve but seems to all be going well.
A very authentic and thoughtful post Han. I'm a few, (OK quite a lot) more years down life's path than you and without getting all existential on you, I think I am reaching a point that I am embracing my mortality and sell-by date! What I enjoyed most in your blog was what I call a feeling of "overwhelm", I can totally relate to that! And it often seems to lead me to inertial, rather than motivation. I don't have any "hacks" for you, but I am working through the same feelings. I do find writing about these things allows me to get some clarity and insight though. Love this post 💖
Thanks for your comment Jerry - inertia is exactly what it feels like, the inability to do anything or move forward. Not sure there are any ‘hacks’ it’s all about processing it isn’t it, like you do with your writing.
Resonate with your words here Han and doing enough or feeling the overwhelming need to keep doing is a daily challenge for me. I read a great reminder last week that asked the quesrion ‘Can this be enough for today?’ This made me think a little differently as there is always something that we feel must be done and yet if we don’t achieve everything we had set our minds to can we be content in the knowledge that we’ve done enough for the day. Something I am willing to practice.
Oh I really like that! I used to do a weekly ta-da list which also helped as it’s a way to remember what you did do rather than the to do list which is all the stuff you didn’t do! With that in mind, there’s definitely been enough for today. Thank you ☺️
My dad died when I was eight and over the months that followed I ended up developing my own mortality philosophy. The cool thing is that I'm still 100% behind it now.
I believed that everyone lived forever - because each person has their own forever, sometimes lasting 10 years, sometimes 50, sometimes 100. You never see what came before or what will come after - the life we live is our forever. That way of seeing life has always really helped me.
Yesterday, we were at a graveyard and my daughter (she'll be 7 next month) saw that a little boy had died at the age of 8. For a few seconds, she looked a bit disconcerted and worried - and then she said "but he had a life" and that was the end of it. I thought that was a beautiful way to see it.
That’s incredibly young to lose your Dad Susannah, it must have been so difficult. What a brilliant philosophy though, that we have our own forever and what amazing insight from your daughter, it must have rubbed off on her. The boy did indeed live a life ❤️
I can feel your angst and the direction of your thoughts.
Iisn’t the length of life, it’s how much of it that you live! There’s no point ever indulging yourself with thinking how sad it is that people only live so long. The key is turning to different thoughts. There’s no stopping the brain, it’s going to think something. So why not nudge it away to something beautiful? Look at a cloud. See a flower. Notice the texture of some clothing. Taste the warmth and tang of your tea. See the glint in someone’s eye. Listen for the honk in traffic and the sound of a bird.
Forget all that future-thought-worry by being here instead.
I completely agree that it isn’t about the years it’s about how much you live which is what I was trying to say here in a roundabout way. That’s where I find that I’m tripping myself up, it’s easy to get caught up in the minutiae of the day & not stop or slow to appreciate the little things. Thankfully I get to debrief on my daily dog walks and we have a lot of nature to contend with here!
I think it can help that constant battle to feel like you are living life to the full if you can actually slow down and do fewer things really well. It’s definitely a mindset I haven’t mastered yet. But once you can accept that simply living life is enough then maybe it’s easier to relax and let things flow around you more successfully. 🤷🏼♀️
Slowing down is key for sure - I love the idea of accepting that simply living life is enough, which of course it is. But yes, it's also very hard. I'm learning! How are you finding it?
Thank you for being so candid here. The topic of mortality is a scary one for me, and I often don't know how to manage my thoughts/fears that come along with it. I know I can't ignore it, but my mind wanders so quickly and fiercely! Still have lots of work to do in therapy around this. Sometimes my husband and I wonder—what does it even look like to live a life of meaning? We want that, too. Deeply.
Thank you Erika, I think it’s natural to feel fear about death and mortality and my own views may changes as I get older or if I become ill but for now I’m kind of ok with it. I do want to live a lot longer though and living a meaningful life is different to a long one isn’t it? But I’d say as long as it has meaning to you and the important people in your life then that is meaningful. It doesn’t have to be all the bells and whistles. Of course there are the amazing people who dedicate their lives to others, I am not one of those but I’ve seen that you’ve done that yourself in your work at the church you talked about and I’m sure you continue to do that and advocate for people in your community. 🧡
Enjoying reading your posts! Friends of ours moved to Orkney a couple of years ago too! Rob & Vicky Hersey? Obviously there’s no reason you should know them but maybe you do ;)
Thanks so much Sarah! I don't but you never know we may cross paths one day. I don't live on the Orkney Mainland, so mostly only know people on Hoy (where I am). Do they love it here?
they do! they’re on South Ronaldsay, they run a holiday site called Wild Orcadian and an organic farm. Such gorgeous people. We know them from when they ran Wild Northumbrian which is closer to us, we went and stayed there a million miles and eventually ended up doing a rebrand and website etc - did the same for Wid Orcadian too. Must go stay there some time!
Oh wow sounds AMAZING. I always wanted a farm, but it wasn’t to be. Now I’m focussed on a teeny tiny small holding! You must!
I've just looked them up & they run Wheems which I've heard good things about!
yes! there was a family running it for years before them but I think they've been there two years now? they've not done farming stuff before so I think it's been a big learning curve but seems to all be going well.
I gather it is very hard work … may be that’s why we decided it wasn’t the path for us after all!
A very authentic and thoughtful post Han. I'm a few, (OK quite a lot) more years down life's path than you and without getting all existential on you, I think I am reaching a point that I am embracing my mortality and sell-by date! What I enjoyed most in your blog was what I call a feeling of "overwhelm", I can totally relate to that! And it often seems to lead me to inertial, rather than motivation. I don't have any "hacks" for you, but I am working through the same feelings. I do find writing about these things allows me to get some clarity and insight though. Love this post 💖
Thanks for your comment Jerry - inertia is exactly what it feels like, the inability to do anything or move forward. Not sure there are any ‘hacks’ it’s all about processing it isn’t it, like you do with your writing.
Beautiful authentic reflective Han. Totally relatable as an achievement junkie ❤️❤️❤️ still working on it here too! Xx
Achievement junkie - that’s exactly what it is! I love that term. 💚💚
This designated on so many levels, thank you for sharing!!
The constant whirring of the mind gets in the way of living sometimes doesn’t it?
Sure does!!
Resonate with your words here Han and doing enough or feeling the overwhelming need to keep doing is a daily challenge for me. I read a great reminder last week that asked the quesrion ‘Can this be enough for today?’ This made me think a little differently as there is always something that we feel must be done and yet if we don’t achieve everything we had set our minds to can we be content in the knowledge that we’ve done enough for the day. Something I am willing to practice.
Oh I really like that! I used to do a weekly ta-da list which also helped as it’s a way to remember what you did do rather than the to do list which is all the stuff you didn’t do! With that in mind, there’s definitely been enough for today. Thank you ☺️
My dad died when I was eight and over the months that followed I ended up developing my own mortality philosophy. The cool thing is that I'm still 100% behind it now.
I believed that everyone lived forever - because each person has their own forever, sometimes lasting 10 years, sometimes 50, sometimes 100. You never see what came before or what will come after - the life we live is our forever. That way of seeing life has always really helped me.
Yesterday, we were at a graveyard and my daughter (she'll be 7 next month) saw that a little boy had died at the age of 8. For a few seconds, she looked a bit disconcerted and worried - and then she said "but he had a life" and that was the end of it. I thought that was a beautiful way to see it.
We have our forever, however long it lasts.
That’s incredibly young to lose your Dad Susannah, it must have been so difficult. What a brilliant philosophy though, that we have our own forever and what amazing insight from your daughter, it must have rubbed off on her. The boy did indeed live a life ❤️
I can feel your angst and the direction of your thoughts.
Iisn’t the length of life, it’s how much of it that you live! There’s no point ever indulging yourself with thinking how sad it is that people only live so long. The key is turning to different thoughts. There’s no stopping the brain, it’s going to think something. So why not nudge it away to something beautiful? Look at a cloud. See a flower. Notice the texture of some clothing. Taste the warmth and tang of your tea. See the glint in someone’s eye. Listen for the honk in traffic and the sound of a bird.
Forget all that future-thought-worry by being here instead.
I completely agree that it isn’t about the years it’s about how much you live which is what I was trying to say here in a roundabout way. That’s where I find that I’m tripping myself up, it’s easy to get caught up in the minutiae of the day & not stop or slow to appreciate the little things. Thankfully I get to debrief on my daily dog walks and we have a lot of nature to contend with here!
I think it can help that constant battle to feel like you are living life to the full if you can actually slow down and do fewer things really well. It’s definitely a mindset I haven’t mastered yet. But once you can accept that simply living life is enough then maybe it’s easier to relax and let things flow around you more successfully. 🤷🏼♀️
The swim and cliff walk all sounds great though 💚
Slowing down is key for sure - I love the idea of accepting that simply living life is enough, which of course it is. But yes, it's also very hard. I'm learning! How are you finding it?