Thoughts on wellness

Sometimes getting through the day is enough

On account of making the bold decision to turn on paid subscriptions I thought I should get some of my admin in order. First port of call was my welcome email.

Did you know there are two? Well I didn’t.

I created what I thought was a lovely wee intro email, welcoming new readers to the Orkney Outpost, guiding them towards a couple of posts that are a good starting point and guess what? I only updated one of them, the paid one. Which would have gone to exactly zero people because up until yesterday I had zero paid subs!!

Schoolgirl error, right?

To be fair, it was only recently I started navigating around Substack on my desktop where I saw that each publication has it’s own homepage that you can ‘fanny about with’ - here’s mine: Orkney Outpost. Yep, fancy!

I’ve also updated my recommendations, so that they all have a personal note about why I love them. Another ‘new to me’ thing.

Anyway enough of the, wow I’m shit at SS chat. Onwards.

This week has ended with feelings of frustration. It seems we’re often told how we should be feeling, behaving and living in this world. Whether it’s books on happiness, being more mindful or that we’re wrong to be welcoming autumn because the autumn equinox isn’t until 22nd September. Well you know what, try living in Orkney, summer didn’t even start mate.

Although Saturday was a beaut of a day, t-shirt weather with just a hint of a breeze to keep the pesky blood suckers away. I even went to the effort of learning how to use the lawnmower. Don’t mock me, there are plastic attachments, a choke and 3 different settings. I am also incapable of starting the motor, I blame my tiny wingspan which doesn’t allow me to hold the lever down while simultaneously pulling the cord to get the thing going. As such I had to abandon the whole thing about a third of the way through because him with the upper body strength and massive wing span had gone indoors to watch cars drive round in circles. My intention was to mow a patch in field two that I could lay a blanket down in so Kiki & I could nap, read and drink tea, but then I got carried away with the efficiency of the thing I started to go over the paths. We have about three quarters of an acre, most of which is grass. In my opinion, it would be scandalous to mow all the grass given I am a lover of nature and we don’t use most of it. We decided a few years ago, when we were living in York, not to mow and that’s how we’ve continued. Instead here we cut pathways through the two fields providing a lovely mix for the wildlife, some birds thrive on cut grass while others love hiding in the meadow areas. Then we have all the wee beasties from moths and bees to spiders and shield bugs. Sadly by the time I got to enjoy said patch of grass, it had turned cold and windy, dare I say, a bit autumnal?

Me under a duvet in our spot, with beer not wine.

These past few weeks have felt like a bit of an awakening, something that’s been bubbling up inside for a while which has somehow been triggered and now I can’t seem to stop it. Is it hormones? The peri-menopause? Having no more fucks to give? I don’t know. It started with a brief discussion about my client’s latest bookclub read. It’s a business bookclub, so it’s all about bettering oneself and genning up on what the latest guru has to offer. It’s a topic I have about a million books on, some I’ve read, some I’ve ditched and many lay there neatly stacked up on the chest of drawers in my office winking at me as if to say, “I can fix you.” Just the title of this book irritated me - Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat.

According to Amazon; “One of Solve for Happy's key premises is that happiness is a default state.”

Something I just can’t agree with. To me, there’s danger in selling the idea of happiness as a natural state of being. So many people strive to be happy, looking for the latest fix or in this case, an algorithm, to make it happen, as if we’re not supposed to ride a rollercoaster of emotions. As if we shouldn’t feel sad, angry or scared. Or baffled, intrigued or proud. One of my ‘help, how am I feeling’ go-to’s is the feelings wheel. There are loads of different versions, I have this one that I keep by my desk: Junto Institute Emotion and Feelings Wheel. The idea of being in a state of happiness forEVER sounds so mind numbingly boring, that the idea of the heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it, has always slightly terrified me! Is this something you ever think about?

This conversation was followed by reading yet another article or post (can’t remember which, too disgruntled) about how we’ve all lost touch with the wonder of life and we’re moving around in some machine-like state, glued to our screens and not allowing ourselves to feel anything. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to scroll less, I would love not to be addicted to that little red circle showing notifications on my various apps, but I don’t think that’s entirely plausible. Yes I could give it all up, but those apps can be a source of joy for me. It’s a place of connection, a place to have conversations I otherwise wouldn’t have, plus, where else am I going to get my dog video and feminist comedy fix? Instagram stays.

What statements like that say to me, in their mostly very well meaning tone is this:

“You are not living your life, you are wasting it with your mobile phone and your social media, you are living a half life because you’re consumed with things, efficiency and convenience. You are missing out on the joy of life.”

No, I’m not and neither are you.

So what if your life is filled with dashing here to there, trying to get the work crammed in before the kids swimming, or phoning your Mum from the car because it’s the only time you ever get to speak to her? So what if you didn’t do 15 minutes of meditation, or can’t get on with a gratitude journal? That doesn’t mean we don’t experience moments of joy during our days. And yes, there is evidence to say that spending 20-30 minutes a day in nature lowers cortisol levels by 21% ~ Frontiers: Take a 20-minute nature pill ~ but that doesn’t automatically mean that slow-living nature lovers are doing better than you, or that the joy of 5 minutes spent undisturbed drinking a cracking cup of coffee, or snagging the last box of cereal at the supermarket, don’t also matter.

Believe it or not, I am not living a slow life. I may be out here in the middle of relative nowhere, but you have to put real effort into being a zen goddess / slow-living queen and I for one, am not an efforter. I also spend well over 20 minutes a day in nature and sometimes it increases my cortisol levels - be it sheep on the road, Kiki playing up, the midges, the rain, the wind, hormones, anxiety or overthinking.

The Zen Goddess I will never be

Just like we’re encouraged to see beyond the big things and seek joy in the little things ~ the glimmers ~ we should also be encouraged to seek joy in the non-zen things. It could be arriving at the bus stop just as one pulls up, or being able to not only snag the last box of cereal, but also grab a bar of chocolate and sail through an automated check out without having to be polite or smile at anyone!

Is this making any sense to you?

I guess what I’m feeling is indignation. Indignation, mostly at myself, for yet again falling for the crap that surrounds me wrapped up in well meaning advice. While people may not explicitly say there is a wrong way, I’m acutely aware there is a ‘right way’. Wellness has been gentrified - there’s a hierarchy. Going on a 5-day plant based meditation and yoga retreat is platinum level, sitting in the garden trying to read a chapter of your book while your dog insists on barking at the neighbouring cows every 20 seconds, is wrinkly tin level. That’s my level.

And so while the official start of autumn might be marked by the autumn equinox on September 22nd, for me, it begins with the first turning leaf, or 5 days of solid rain, whichever comes first. After today, I’m thinking rain. That said, after spending some of my younger years celebrating pagan festivals in Edinburgh (alcohol + fire, what’s not to like?) I still feel a slight pull towards these traditions and will no doubt light a small fire outside if weather permits. Something my Catholic upbringing gave me is the comfort and magic that rituals can provide. So while I don’t feel the need to stick to a rigid date in a calendar, I do love a sense of occasion!

I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Even if you completely disagree. This is my way and one of the things I’m getting more comfortable with as I grow older is that my way is the right way for me. As someone said to me recently after I stated I was winging it - how about owning it? Now there’s a thought…

Ta-Da List

On the subject of tradition(ish) and ritual(s), I’d hate to end my latest one after only two weeks, so here is this week’s ta-da list:

• Played with the lawnmower.

• Roasted and froze a million more courgettes.

• Went for lunch with a friend at a cafe.

• Geeked out over archeology with said friend - she’s an actual archaeologist and was telling me about when she was working at Toftsness, a Viking roundhouse on Sanday. She found a piece of stone flint safely stored away in a little nook and this is where my brain goes into overdrive…she touched a piece of flint that someone honed and tucked safely away approximately 800-1000 years ago. Just talking about and seeing the look on her face filled me with enough joy to last a week.

• Did not lose my shit over a really unhelpful email I received about not getting a grant for some training I would like to do. Must maintain working relationships.

• Maybe had a good idea about a new work service that doesn’t require a huge amount of effort.

• Wrote this post.

• Updated my welcome emails.

• Personalised my Substack recommendations.

• Got my first PAID subscriber - quite a lot of joy there too.

Fennel umbels - sometimes I like to leave the veg to flower.

Despite it’s frustrating end, it has been another good week here on my little island, aided by general garden loveliness, hearing the puttering of tractors cutting, sorting and bailing hay, enjoying more family walks and giving myself more time to read, think and write.

Take care

Han 🌱

The week in sub-stats

• Subscribers: 114 (↑14)

• Followers: 236 (↑40)

• Paid: 2 (-)

Last post: 56%↑ open rate; 138↓ views; 10↓ likes; 23↓ comments; 0 new subs

Would love to know how to turn those followers into subscribers…

Since hitting the heady heights of 100 subscribers, I’ve decided to stop the weekly sub-stats after today. I might instead add a monthly section, or even create a post all of it’s own. Since joining Kate Darracott’s Substack Type Club a couple of weeks ago, I’ve re-remembered the importance and excitement of tracking all the metrics, not just the vanity ones and given my appalling ability to have any kind of inner accountability, it’s more likely that I’ll do a deep dive on the numbers if I say I’m going to publish it than if I don’t. I feel a spreadsheet coming on….