Colin gets a colon

Yes, he’s finally plumbed in!

Colin the Caravan now has a colon, or, as normal people might say, he’s finally plumbed in. Well out. The water has been flowing in for quite some time, but getting the soil pipe sorted wasn’t quite as easy.

For starters, we needed 40 meters of pipe.

With outbuildings, the house, is L-shaped — old house plus newer outbuilding, with the old stone barn forming the perpendicular bit. And so the pipe runs from Colin, along the wall of the barn then makes a sharp right as it runs along the new, what I call, shed, before it reaches the house and the existing soil pipe outside the bathroom.

Once that small task was done, all it needed was opening up the clay pipe that runs out directly from the house loo into the waste pipe and making sure it sits nicely and is VERY well sealed.

Erik started connecting the long pipe a wee while ago, but trying to do it over winter did delay things, as did a good dose of procrastination. It was never quite the right day weather wise to do the final bit. Until it was.

The final attachment took around 6 hours. We needed to be sure it was super water tight and that it all sat within the … hmm not sure what you’d call it… box? There’s an external block built box that provides protection for the soil pip and water outlet pipe where it goes into the ground, with a heavy slate roof. This meant cutting into the slate to create an opening for Colin’s pipe and then building a wooden box to surround where it all comes together.

Apologies to anyone relying on a description — this one’s not my finest. For everyone else, here’s a photo to help make sense of it.

The box where all pipes meet.

To avoid any mishaps, by me, during the process, Erik hung a loo roll on the flusher, could you imagine anything worse…no. No you couldn’t.

Now we have a fully functioning caravan. Hurrah! Very good timing as we have visitors arriving at the beginning of May, my gorgeous Step-Mum & her best mate, although we’re not entirely sure who’s going to sleep where yet because Colin is filthy.

Not in a the last residents were animals way, more, this bed hasn’t been lifted up in 10 years and some of the windows leak so it’s a bit damp kind of way.

Yes, there’s mould. Until yesterday I thought it was there to stay, but with a bit of sugar soap and a lot of elbow grease it’s coming up quite well. So far we’ve scrubbed the walls, ceilings and doors of my office, the bedroom and the hallway. This afternoon we’re making a start on the living area.

The plan is to get it all scrubbed as best we can by next Saturday as we have someone coming to clean the carpets and upholstery. I did try and find a company that would do the whole thing for us, clean inside and out but no-one jumped at the chance…damp, worn, 3 bed static caravan on Hoy…odd that. I’d have paid good money too.

It’s a dry carpet cleaning service, which is ideal, not only because it’s the better way to do things, but when you already have a space that’s inclined to get damp, adding in a load of water to clean isn’t going to help matters. He’ll also be doing the sofa and chairs and basically anything else I can throw in front of him before he catches the ferry home!

Colin the Caravan - need to get him a name badge

Once that’s done, it may be time for me to start working in there from time to time, although I won’t move the office in until after our visitors have been as we may need to use it as bedroom, if we still have the bed.

So that’s where we’re at with Colin the Caravan — moderately grim, but definitely getting there.

In other news, I subscribe to The Knowledge, a daily email that pulls together headlines, commentary and odd bits and bobs from across all sorts of publications. It’s an interesting read as it helps me to step out of my woke leftish wing bubble and see what other media outlets are saying. For example, I would never ordinarily read The Spectator, but it’s good to be reminded of what they and publications like it are saying.

At the weekend they always drop in a beautiful and very expensive property. This weekend it is The Sky Palace, a penthouse in the Burj Khalifa in Dubai at a cool $51 million. Sometimes I feel a little tug at the properties, especially if it’s some beautifully renovated Edwardian London pad but today, not a flutter. You can keep your Dubai, your penthouse and your $51 million thanks very much. I am happy in my unheated (broken boiler this time), barely insulated, drafty cottage. I can also see the sea from my bedroom window.

Not quite the view from my bedroom but close.